Carrot's Birthday
by Bishie no Miko
Summary: Okay, I admit, I was quite insane when I wrote this. Insane in mind and insanely rushed. But hell, if you like stupid battles, bizarre antics, Carrot in drag, Mille attacking Carrot (which leads to an M/C yaoi warning...), plus some Gateau/Marron on the


DISCLAIMER: Sorcerer Hunters is not, never has been, and never will be mine. ;_;  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
AUTHOR'S NOTE:   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I wrote and finished a fic! I wrote and finished a fic!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Well, it's because this one had a deadline. -_-;; Man, and I didn't even make it! How pathetic is THAT?!  
  
Anyway, I'd like to say that the basic idea of a birthday party fic was NOT my idea, nor were some of the quotes or weird things in the fic... because this was for a contest! This fic is entered in the author Princess of Pain's fanfiction contest, celebrating the birthday of her website! If you want to see the other fics that were entered, you can go to her profile and check out her site. And I'd also like to say that if this sucks royally, it's because it was rushed like hell! I'll probably re-write it sometime in the very-distant-future (or edit it in the not-so-distant-future, whatever).  
  
Hope you like it! ^_^  
  
*** ADDED LATER: ***  
  
Oh Kami, have I learned more about Bakaretsu Hunters, both in its original and fanfiction forms. And here's what I have to say.  
  
First of all, I have to say that MY Mille is, uh, Mille Feuille... not Milphey-Yu. Damn it all, How can someone be such a different person in the anime than in the manga?? If Milphey-Yu doesn't do something to Carrot in the anime soon, I'm going to be VERY sad... yeesh, they're changing my favorite character completely around. Kinda like original Japanese DBZ manga Goku and English dubbed edited anime Goku, only actually worse. -_-  
  
Secondly, I'm damned shocked that there aren't ANY M/C fanfics on ff.net other than my own, and maybe one or two that are unlabeled as such! It just makes no sense! Why in the seven hells aren't people WRITING about these two?? *whine*  
  
Anyway, I know I said I'd edit... and I did... a little. The re-write is out of the question... basically, because I'd change soooo much, now that my views have altered quite a bit. But a sequel isn't out of the question, so just keep that in mind. ^_^  
  
Enjoy!!  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
CARROT'S BIRTHDAY  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
"REALLY?!"  
  
"...uh... yeah... calm down..."  
  
"Carrot's birthday? When?"  
  
"Um... this Saturday, I think. He really didn't talk about it..."  
  
"Ooh, it's perfect! I've been waiting for an opportunity like this... now I just need a plan..."  
  
"...Are you conniving again?"  
  
"Of course not. Don't worry your head over it."  
  
"Come on, you know you're not supposed to! And if I know you, you're planning something very bad!"  
  
"Oh, it's nothing bad at all. It's just a present, that's all."  
  
"...but... but... but does the Pope approve?"  
  
"...huh?"  
  
"Of this 'present!'"  
  
The muffled grunt of a facefault could be heard; apparently, the mystery speaker being questioned gave quite the lecherous grin.  
  
"Of course he does. Don't you trust me?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Assignment AGAIN?!" Carrot moaned.  
  
"That's correct. Why, is today special in any way?" Big Momma's ridiculously large head asked as she smiled knowingly down on our crazy haired, sex driven, poor-unsuspecting-target of a hero. He blinked and shrugged.  
  
"Not really. What's the assignment?"  
  
"The target is a sorcerer who has been using a forbidden magic thought to have been destroyed eons ago. It is the power to recall time."  
  
"What... time travel?" a previously yawning Chocolat asked.  
  
"Not quite," a new voice said from behind Carrot, and the man found himself being glomped by Mille Feuille.  
  
"M... Mille! Where do you always COME from?!" Carrot shrieked, while Mille happily rubbed his cheek against the other man's. The others chuckled at the commonly-seen scenario: Mille happily hugging a screaming-like-mad Carrot. Eventually Mille backed a bit away, Carrot warily looking back at him, to let Big Momma finish.  
  
"As Mille Feuille said, not quite. It is more like reliving a memory... in a more realistic way. It doesn't make a great deal of sense now, I know, but it will be clearer later. Not only is the target using this power for personal gain, but he is forcing parsoners to relive less than enjoyable memories as punishments. You must stop this sorcerer and destroy the magic. That is all the information I have for you."  
  
"Good luck, sorcerer hunters!" Dota chimed.  
  
"See you later, Carrot!" Mille added, blowing a kiss at the blushing hunter.  
  
And with that, the four found themselves at the city limits of their destination.  
  
"Man, this sucks!" Carrot immediately moaned. "There aren't any damsels in distress or anything! Just some old guy wanting to lose his virginity over and over again!"  
  
"I'm sure that's not the case," a facefaulting Tira groaned as she slung her giant club into the back of his head.  
  
"But imagine that!" Gateau said as Carrot rubbed his indestructible skull. "Able to relive any memory you want, and as many times as you want! That's some trick!"  
  
"I'd like to know what kind of memories this sorcerer would risk so much to experience again," Marron wondered.  
  
"Hell, I know what I'd choose," Gateau said, smiling at Marron. Marron looked up at him, then smiled slightly with a light blush on his face. Carrot, immediately, turned solid red.  
  
"I TOLD you, NO DOING THAT!!"  
  
"What?" Gateau snorted.  
  
"Making Marron BLUSH like that! It's unnatural! I don't care WHAT you two do behind closed doors, but seeing him blush like that freaks me out!"  
  
Marron D-eyed at his brother; what they were thinking about was NOT what Carrot was thinking. In fact, it was nothing but a day they had spent together... certain things had just... just touched them that day. It wasn't that Carrot didn't accept them... they had made it past that stage already, in finality, thank GOD... it was that everything was always X-rated with him!  
  
Since they knew Marron would never do it himself, Tira and Chocolate both punched Carrot from different sides of his mouth. After the twitching mass recovered, he shook his head for a moment and sighed.  
  
"Sorry... still not used to the blushing thing, though..."  
  
"Hey, sometimes you just need a punch," Gateau said cheerfully; he was also happy that the whole coming-out ordeal had finally passed well with Carrot (the issue was hurting Marron, and he'd be damned if he ignored Marron's feelings), and hell, the un-beautiful man just got punched. It was a good day so far.  
  
"Anyway, I know what I'd pick," Chocolat said, her eyes shimmering with stars and her hands on her cheeks. "I'd relive a night of passionate love with my darling!"  
  
"WHAAAT?!?!" Carrot squealed. "But... but we've never had sex!!!"  
  
"Not yet," she replied simply. The group groaned and they walked on towards the Giant Castle On Top of the Hill (tm).  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"3,456... 3,457..."  
  
"Carrot, knock it off!"  
  
"3,458... 3,459..."  
  
"I SAID STOP IT!!"  
  
"3,45--"  
  
"AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!"  
  
As our valiant group, having conquered the castle's staircase, surfaced to the peak of the mountain, Tira and Gateau were laughing so hard they were staggering (and Marron was off to the side dot-dot-dotting) at Carrot and Chocolat, since she had climbed him like a tree and was biting his head a la Yahiko from Rurouni Kenshin, and he was screaming like a banshee. After he coaxed her off of him, they stepped up to the ominous doorway of the castle, and upon opening it they were greeted with absolutely nothing. But in the SECOND doorway, there were all sorts of gobbledygooks and crazed sorcerers, so it looked like they had a fight on their hands.  
  
"It looks like we have a fight on our hands!" Carrot shouted out while the author slapped herself. "Let's lead them out into the field; there's more room there!"  
  
They ran back outside, and since minions are generally stupid, every last one of them followed. Once they reached the lush, green field, they all stopped and spun to face their pursuers... or rather, their prey.  
  
"Let's kick ass!!"  
  
So the Sorcerer Hunters kicked ass, and when the clouds settled they were standing in a worn-out battlefield, a gory scene of body parts and debris with splattered blood soaking the ground and weapons scattered all over the place. Tira and Chocolat were in their dominatrix outfits, tired and messy and wounded; Marron's hands were smoldering from the awesome power that was his magic, and his clothes had been torn by swords or clutching hands trying desperately to take him down; Gateau's whole body was smoldering from the heat coming off of him, his fists were bruised, and his knuckles were skinless; And Carrot, of course, was stark naked and passed out. But even he showed he had been through more than normal; some of his whip-marks weren't quite so fresh, meaning the girls had changed him back more than once. It had been the greatest Sorcerer Hunters battle ever seen in the history of all its manga, anime, doujinshi, and fanfiction alike.   
  
BUT THEY HAD PERSEVERED!!!!! And, once they had checked to make sure everyone was still alive (and once the author had slapped herself again), they stormed through the final doors and into the heart of the castle.   
  
"All right, where the hell are you?!" Carrot shouted, now dressed in another identical set of his clothes Marron always carries around.   
  
His question did not go unanswered; a middle-aged man stepped out of the shadows. He had long, salt-and-pepper hair pulled back in a rough ponytail, a hard face, and flowing sorcerous clothes. He was holding what looked like a Chinese checkers game, only the board shimmered with a golden color and the marbles weren't marble, but real gems.   
  
"I am called Lemons! I've heard about you, Sorcerer Hunters! And I know why you're here; to take away the forbidden magic I've stolen, or to kill me!"  
  
"Hey... we didn't get to do our poses," Carrot whined.   
  
"You're right!" Gateau bellowed laughingly, cracking his knuckles intimidatingly despite their lack of skin. "So give it back, or die!"  
  
"Never!!" Lemons shouted, suddenly picking up a clear diamond marble. He uttered a small chant and a new marble filled in the hole, and then he pressed the marble in his hand against his chest. Marron reached for a scroll, but it was too late; the sorcerer had surrounded himself in a force field, and the setting inside had changed to something entirely different than the inside of the castle chamber.   
  
"He's re-living a memory," Tira whispered. "It creates the setting of the memory around you and lets you be your past self, but you still sustain your consciousness! He must have done it to buy time... but where is he? It's too blurry!"  
  
"It might clear," Chocolat said. "We'll wait."  
  
They didn't have to wait long; the mist cleared from the real virtual image, and the following scene...  
  
...is omitted.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Oh, my."   
  
"Mille, what are you watching?"  
  
"Nothing. And don't you come over here wondering what "nothing" is, Dota."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Two hours later when the memory finished, the force field weakened and disappeared, and Lemons was met with five bloody fists in the mouth. After his brain could think again, he wondered why the fists were all bloody... but when he looked at the Hunters he saw why; they had all been stopping nosebleeds.  
  
"He really IS just some old guy wanting to lose his virginity over and over again!" Tira squealed.  
  
"Now I know why you're named Lemons," Carrot shouted, though he seemed a bit dizzy; he'd lost a little more blood than the others.   
  
"You'll pay for that!" Lemons shouted, blushing. "There is nothing more beautiful than re-living true love consummated! Lime was the one woman I'd ever truly felt that special something with!!"  
  
"Well, as buch as I abbrove ob sobeting robantic like thad," Chocolat managed through the Kleenex she had stuffed up her nose, "We hab to bunish you for using forbidded bagic!"  
  
"And for doing something I'm SURE was blasphemous, just before your little rendezvous!" Tira yelled, a little green now. "What was with all the black-cloaked barefooted people you were with and the donkey-head hats and the bonfire you were bowing to with the giant silver contraption hanging over it?!"  
  
"That was a cult gathering, and those weren't hats," Lemons replied simply.   
  
There was a brief pause.  
  
"Oh, that's just SICK," Tira shrieked.  
  
"Yeah!" Chocolat yelled. "A cult?! You make me retch!"  
  
"That's not what I meant!! You animal killer!!"  
  
"When putting the donkey's head on our own head, we absorbed its knowledge! We became one with the donkey! ONE WITH THE DONKEY!!"  
  
"..."  
  
"... okay... um... I... uh... can we kill him now?" Chocolat finally settled on.  
  
"Lets," Marron agreed.  
  
"ALL RIGHT!! That's right, ya bastard! Get ready to die!" Carrot hollered, ready for action... or rather, ready to get hit with magic so he could THEN be ready for action.  
  
"Oho? I don't think so," he said, and he picked up a ruby-marble, uttered the spell, aimed it at Carrot's chest, and threw it. He didn't transform and a shield formed around him, and it began the stages of creating a memory bubble.  
  
"HEY!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU..."  
  
"Hehehe, I wonder what horrible memory of this day the staff will bring you..."  
  
"...What?! DARLING!" Chocolat yelled, and she and Tira ran to the shield, pounding on it as Carrot was from the inside. But it was to no avail, and Carrot slowly disappeared in the same mist that Lemons had disappeared into before he became his past self.  
  
"Carrot!" Tira yelled, while Lemons laughed maniacally (from a safe distance, of course).  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHA! You'll never reach him so long as he's in there! The blood ruby marbles recall the worst moment in your entire life that occurred on the date their spell is cast. Some parsoners have been lucky, and the worst thing that happened to them was a paper cut; some have killed themselves to avoid the pain of their conflicts relived again. Either way, your trump card (as I observed as you destroyed my minions) is trapped for at least two hours! For even if the memory is shorter than that, the spell will repeat it until the time is up! You'll never wi..."   
  
He was cut off by Marron and Gateau, who promptly beat the living shit out of him. Once he was a bloody, twitching mass, moaning "im... impossible..." Marron scooped up the checkers set, finding it very heavy.  
  
"It's beautiful," Gateau put simply.   
  
"Yes, but let's find out what has become of my brother," Marron said as he gave the board to Gateau, and then he ran to the bubble scene. It was clear by now.  
  
"Tira! Chocolat! What has happened?" he asked when he got there, but the two only stared at the bubble, in a trance. He eyed them quizzically.  
  
"Marron... look!" Gateau said, and so he turned to look into the bubble. He gasped when he saw what had happened; Carrot had transformed into an 8-year-old.  
  
"What has happened, Tira?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing big yet," she told him. "Just watch."  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Carrot wandered around in the Sparsely-Treed Grassy Plain TM (you know... the one we always see in the manga whenever we see flashbacks of our hunters as kiddies). He wondered what the hell was going on; for one thing, he was eight years old, and for another, he was in the Sparsely-Treed Grassy Plain. He could have sworn he was fighting Lemons... but wait a minute, he'd thrown that marble at him!  
  
**I must be trapped in a memory,** he thought, surprisingly catching on. **And it must be a bad one.** He added to himself, surprisingly logical. ** So... what bad thing happened to me today?**  
  
**...oh, NO...**  
  
"Hey, check it out; it's a parsoner."  
  
Shivers ran up and down his spine, and his skin broke out in goose bumps; he recognized that voice anywhere, even though he had heard it only once in his life... today.  
  
**Oh my GOD, you're telling me that...**  
  
"You're right... hey, I'm in a bad mood from getting my test grade back today. How about we play a little bit with him?" a new voice said, and Carrot felt the shiver again. He spun to face three young sorcerers (they looked about 15), two boys and one girl, wearing school uniforms and standing dangerously close to him.  
  
**D... don't tell me it'll happen again!! ...Wait, if I'm conscious about it, can't I run?!**  
  
But alas, it was not to be; though his mind was conscious, he could not change the past. His body and voice moved on their own, and he stayed right where he was as the three ganged up on him.  
  
"Hey, parsoner!"  
  
Yet again he felt goose bumps, but he turned around anyway and asked "What do you want?"   
  
"Hey, you better not talk like that to us! We're sorcerers; see these triangles?" the guy commented snidely as he pointed to his forehead.  
  
"Aw, give the kid a break; he's obviously too stupid, being a parsoner. And it looks like he's still in diapers," the girl sighed.  
  
"I am not!" Carrot shouted in a furious tone. "You're the ones who are stupid, and I just turned eight today!"  
  
**Stupid!!** Carrot thought. **I should NOT have said that!! Baka, Baka, Baka, Baka, Baka, Baka, BAKA!!**  
  
"Oh really?" the third sorcerer said as he circled around him, leaving him surrounded. "Then we should give you a present. Shouldn't we, guys?"  
  
"I've got a great idea," the girl said, grinning evilly. The other two groaned.  
  
"Ugh, do we have to do that? Really, you do it all the time... I start to feel sorry for them..."  
  
"Shut up! It's my hobby!" she growled, "And I just happen to like doing it to little boys!" The two sighed.   
  
"Yare yare... all right, we'll help."  
  
**Here it comes,** Carrot thought in absolute panic, wanting with all his heart to run like hell.  
  
"Help do what?!" Carrot found himself yelling. "Whaddaya think you guys can do to me?"  
  
"Oh, you'll see, parsoner."  
  
"Ha! I don't think so!" Carrot said, getting into a fight-ready position; he'd had his reckless, fighting behavior his whole life. Unfortunately, he'd also had his habit of getting-the-living-hell-beaten-out-of-him-despite-his-enthusiasm his whole life too, and he was promptly at their mercy.  
  
"Now, then..."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I didn't know it was Darling's birthday today!" Chocolat said. "He didn't tell me, after all this time! How dare he keep something like that a secret from me!"  
  
"He didn't tell me either," Tira pointed out. "I wonder why? Marron, you've never said anything. What..."  
  
When she turned to look at him, though, she saw he wasn't paying attention to her at all; he was staring into the shield, and she noticed a fairly large sweatdrop forming at the back of his head.  
  
"Uh... Marron?"  
  
She waved her hand in front of his face, and he snapped out of it with a reply.  
  
"U... um, he really doesn't like to be reminded of... this."  
  
"Nani?"   
  
"Well... just look."  
  
Tira squinted her eyes to see inside the hazy image. She saw the three sorcerers pinning Carrot down, and to her shock, they began tearing away at his clothes.  
  
"What... what are they doing to him?!" she squealed.   
  
**Oh, lord... don't tell me he was...**  
  
"A... ARE THEY RAPING MY DARLING?!" Chocolat screamed immediately, making Tira grimace. Queen of tact, thee be Chocolat.  
  
"What?! N... no! Does he ACT like someone defiled him like that?!" Marron said, half blue.  
  
"N... no, of course not. But... what ARE they doing to him?!" Tira asked, Carrot's yells audible to them through the shield.   
  
"Well... if we watch, I'm sure we'll see that..."  
  
"Whoa... look," Gateau suddenly said, and the three facing each other immediately spun to see the scene laid out before them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Tee-hee... you're so adorable, parsoner!!"  
  
When the three finally backed away, Carrot was decked in a frilly pink number, with his hair dashed with messy bows and his face covered in makeup. He looked rather disturbed.  
  
"And we took away these," another boy said, twirling his boxers around on his finger. "So you can't just strip to them and get a change of clothes from your little house! You'll have to go through town just like that!"  
  
"Heehee... see you later, kid! Thanks for cheering us up!"  
  
"Oh... and happy birthday!!" the girl added as they walked away, laughing like crazy as they left him sitting in the dirt, utterly defeated.  
  
"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Ohhh... kawaii!"  
  
"You're mean, Mille."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The memory didn't stop there; the others saw him go through the gauntlet of walking through town, dodging bullies and enduring the pointing and laughing of both children and adults. By the time he got home, he was ready to explode.  
  
As soon as he slammed the door, he blew up. "I SWEAR, I'll get the sorcerers for oppressing us parsoners like this! This is... this is as low as you can go!! They WON'T get away with it forever!!"  
  
This frightened the living something out of Marron, whose kawaii little face turned to look at his older brother (who actually looked older than him at this point).  
  
"Onii-san*, why are you wearing a dress?"  
  
Carrot twitched, and spun to put both hands on Marron's shoulders.   
  
"Marron, I don't want you to tell anyone about this. This is a terrible, horrible thing, and I want you to do your best to forget. But if you can't do that, then I want you to use it and strengthen your hate for sorcerers with it! Ya got that?!"  
  
And with that, he stormed into his room, ripping away at the dress and pulling the bows out of his hair.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
This repeated itself to the half-point, and then the shield finally vanished, revealing an exhausted Carrot gasping on his hands and knees on the floor.   
  
"Carrot/Darling!" the sisters yelled, and they both ran to his side. Marron looked relieved despite the sweat drop that was now as big as his face behind him, and Gateau was doing his best not to burst out laughing. Thankfully for him (the others would have hurt him), something distracted him. It was the Chinese checkers board he was holding... it was suddenly wrenched from under his arm, by no less than Lemons himself.  
  
**Ch! Careless!** He chided himself. "Hey, give that back!"  
  
"N... never! This... this is the key to everything! See how mentally destroyed your friend is!!"  
  
Gateau looked at Carrot and found him shivering on the ground, being poked at, glomped, and generally worried over by the sisters. He chuckled and smiled.  
  
"What are you talking about? It's always like this."  
  
"N... nani?"   
  
"In any case..." Marron said as he stepped up from behind Gateau. "...I will not forgive you for hurting my brother like that."  
  
"Hah! You think it makes any difference that... g... ghh...!"  
  
"Huh?"   
  
Suddenly, Lemons' hand shot to his throat, and the Chinese checkers set floated out of his hands. Eventually Lemons collapsed, screaming as he died, and the checkers set floated above all their heads.   
  
"W... what in all the hells is going on?!" Gateau growled.  
  
"WAAHAHAHAHA!! I AM TIRED OF USING A PATHETIC PUPPET LIKE HIM; I SHALL ATTACK YOU DIRECTLY!!"  
  
"Oh... so that's it," Marron sighed. "The board itself is alive. It was using Lemons as a vessel."  
  
Suddenly the board spun around at incredible speed and shot at the two men, its razor-edge tips barely missing their necks.   
  
"Great!" Gateau shouted as they dodged again. "NOW what do we do?! It's too fast!!"  
  
"L... look out!!" Marron warned, but it was barely in time. The checkers board slammed itself into Gateau's right shoulder-piece, shattering it and knocking him to the ground.   
  
"Gateau!" Marron shouted, and he growled as he heard the board's maniacal laughter.  
  
"WAHAHAHAHA!! THIS NEXT PASS I SHALL TAKE BOTH YOUR HEADS!!"  
  
"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!!" The two men spun to see Tira jump out from behind them, wielding a mallet that could easily fit all of them into it if it was hollow. She swung it easily and with blinding speed, and it was so huge it easily smashed the damnedable checkers set into the ground.  
  
"Did you hit it?" Chocolat called from Carrot's side.  
  
"Damn straight!" Tira replied, and the two exchanged smiles as she rose the weapon from the crater she had made.  
  
"W... WHAT... IS THAT... POWER?!" The mangled board managed.  
  
"Brute strength. Here's some more!!" Tira shouted, and with a burst of her psychotic laughter, she proceeded to smash the checkers set until it was nothing but a twisted, mangled ball of metal.  
  
"H... HOW... DARE... YOU..."  
  
"Like THIS," Tira shouted, and she delivered the final smoosh.   
  
"All right Tira! That's my little sister!" Chocolat cheered as Tira rose her hammer out of the new crater.  
  
"T... Tira..." Gateau managed.  
  
"What... is it still moving?"   
  
"Tira... what is that weapon?" Marron said, looking at the blood-red hammer that was nearly three times as big as her normal Carrot-smashing one.  
  
"Oh, this?" She said, waving the mallet up and down effortlessly. "It's my Giant Plastic Hammer of Justice."  
  
"P... plastic?"  
  
"Oh yeah, it absorbs lots of types of magic power and deflects others. It's really great stuff, plus it's light."  
  
"I... see."  
  
"Anyway, let's get going and deliver this magic to Big Momma. I'm sure she..."  
  
And speaking of the devil, the setting around them disappeared, and they found themselves looking into said Big Momma's face.  
  
"Well done, sorcerer hunters! I must say I was worried about Carrot there for a moment, but it seems he's all right now."  
  
Everyone looked at Carrot, who actually hadn't moved from his kneeling position, though he had looked up once the giant black void had fallen upon them. His eye twitched.  
  
"Yeah... seems. Where's Mille Feuille?" He asked. **He's usually on top of me by now...**  
  
"He's off on errands."  
  
"Oh. Can I have a raise?" He hopefully chirped.  
  
"No, but you may have the day off tomorrow," Big Momma replied.  
  
THIS was a shock. Carrot and the others stared at her in disbelief.  
  
"Well, this was a particularly dangerous forbidden magic, and you walked away from its strongest attack in one piece. Plus, it seems it can stand as a birthday present."  
  
"Well, never thought I'd like one of those!" Carrot said happily, grinning from ear to ear. "Thanks!"  
  
"Ano... what about us?" Chocolat asked. "Do we have the day off tomorrow, too?"  
  
"No, I have a job for you."  
  
"No fair! We fought, too!" she whined.  
  
"Oh, it's short. Anyway, I'll send you to the inn you'll be staying in. Enjoy your rest while you can get it, Sorcerer Hunters!"  
  
"T... try to get as much sleep as you can, Carrot!" Dota told him worriedly, and her tone made him wonder for a moment about it. But it didn't last long, for they immediately found themselves in the lobby of the promised inn.  
  
"Well... I'm exhausted," Carrot said, stretching and yawning super-exaggerated to prove it. "I want my own bed. Tira and Chocolat can share a room, and so can you two."  
  
"You sure are taking advantage of that, getting your own room all the time because you don't want to share with Marron and Gateau!" Tira pointed out.  
  
"Well, I don't! It can't be helped," Carrot said happily as he walked up to the desk. "Hey, we'd like three rooms, please!"  
  
"And who are you?" The man asked.  
  
"Carrot Glace."  
  
"Oh? Well, hold on a moment... here is your key, Mr. Glace. And I believe someone left that here for you."  
  
"That? ... What?" he replied blankly, and the man pointed into the corner at a very huge box, classically wrapped in birthday attire.  
  
"It was delivered here this morning. Said you'd be here, and to give it to you when you got here."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Some girl."  
  
"Girl?!" Carrot chirped, a little heart inside his mouth, and he trotted over to the present, ripping the giant package apart. "Boy, this birthday thing isn't so bad at all! Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see..."  
  
"Oh, hurry up and open it!" Gateau groaned. "You don't have to make such a mess!"  
  
"What is it?" Marron asked his elder brother when he finally stopped ravaging the paper.  
  
"It's... uh... I don't know?"  
  
"Let me see!" Tira said as she pushed the others aside, and she made an odd face at the strange, orangish-brown conglomeration of cotton and synthetic fibers. She poked at it for a second, backed away, and came to a conclusion.   
  
"It's... um... a giant tater-tot plushie?"  
  
Carrot tilted an eyebrow at it, then tilted his head, and then shifted around in the papers.  
  
"Oh... what now?" Gateau moaned, and Carrot finally sat up, holding a card. Chocolat looked over his shoulder to read it aloud.  
  
"Happy birthday, Carrot! I saw this and thought of you. Love, Mille Feuille ^_^."  
  
Carrot tilted his eyebrow and head at the card, and then he tossed it on the ground again (Ignoring the man behind the desk's quiet pleas not to make a mess). He konked the tater-tot with his fist, and to his surprise he found it quite heavy.  
  
"How'm I supposed to move a giant stuffed food like this anywhere?" he groaned. "Mille must've had too much of whatever inspires him to cross-dress."  
  
"Well, you could roll it," Tira suggested.  
  
"Eh? You're right," Carrot said, and he pushed it in the general direction of his room. It fell over easily this time, and it rolled down the hallway and through his door.  
  
"Well, that was easy enough," Carrot moaned, relieved. "Anyway... I'm going to bed."  
  
"I'll come with you, darling!" Chocolat routinely chirped.  
  
"Sorry, but you're with me, sis," Tira grunted.  
  
"She's right. G'night, ladies and gents! Carrot Glace is hittin' the sack."   
  
"All right... sleep well, brother," Marron said.  
  
"Hey, no problem. It's you I'm worried about. You guys have a job tomorrow, got that?" He said, raising an eyebrow at both him and Gateau, and both of them blushed furiously.   
  
"Worry about your own health, Carrot," Gateau mumbled. "After all, you're the one who got hit with that attack."   
  
Carrot grinned. "Hey, don't worry about me. I'll be sleeping like a rock."  
  
And with that, after fanficcers across the world finished grinning at the predicted irony of it all, he walked down the hallway himself, gave them all one last smile, and shut the door behind him.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
**Now.**  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Mille Feuille crawled out of his hiding place, brushed himself off, and smiled as he gazed at his favorite hunter.  
  
Carrot was dead to the world, sleeping like a fully-clothed rock on top of his sheets... at least he had taken off his shoes. He must have been exhausted before he crashed; instead of being sprawled all over the place, his body was in a halfway decent position, and he actually wasn't snoring for once. He was on his back, one leg stretched out and the other bent to the side, a hand on his stomach, the other hand limp beside him, palm up. His head was turned to the side on his pillow, his eyes still in dreamless sleep, his lips parted ever so slightly. The glassless window let a breeze into the room, which played with his loose shirt a bit and flowed through the black of his hair.   
  
**God he's sexy.**  
  
Without further ado, he crawled up onto the bed, straddled his sleeping victim, put one hand on the pillow next to Carrot's head to lower himself down, and cupped his warm cheek with his other hand. He paused a moment to marvel at how handsome Carrot could be when he wasn't mouthing off... and then he helped himself.   
  
Some time later, Carrot woke up to find himself being straddled. By a man. In specific, a Haz knight named Mille Feuille who hadn't stopped that first kiss for the past ten minutes.   
  
Carrot prepared to let loose with what normally saved him from these more-common-than-he'd-like-to-admit situations, but Mille Feuille had apparently thought ahead this time. Too fast to defend against, Mille clamped his hand over Carrot's mouth before he could scream, and then he promptly flung his entire body weight down on top of him, pinning his struggling legs and hips to the bed with his matching parts. And, to render him completely helpless, with a little effort he stuffed both Carrot's arms behind his own back with his free hand, the weight of both their bodies quite enough to keep the flailing limbs under control.  
  
Now that he had the poor guy **author struggles to contain her maniacal laughter** completely at his mercy, he looked him in the eyes and spoke.  
  
"Before you call the others to interrupt, let me ask you something. Promise not to yell?"  
  
He nodded, but Carrot's eyes reflected quite clearly the scenario: Sure, I'll nod, but as soon as you take your hand off my mouth I'll let out a scream so blood-curdling they'll think Lemons is back alive and ripping my guts out.   
  
Mille sighed. "All right, then. If you can't promise, I'll just have to..."  
  
And with that he moved down a bit to kiss softly at his neck, all the while slipping his free hand underneath Carrot's tank. Immediate muffled yells and howls ensued, but he paid them no heed; concentrating on getting the promise... and giving a nice little taste of things to come, if all went as planned... required MUCH more attention.   
  
The hunter's terror-filled eyes shot from Mille Feuille's head to his own stomach where the attacking hand was, and the "mmph"ing just got louder... that is, until everything he was doing to him started to kick in. Mille's skilled, warm hand was gliding up and down his chest and stomach with the perfect pressure and speed, his palm pushing down against him and his fingers tracing his muscles in a delicate, tickling way that was making him shudder. Combined with Mille Feuille's equally skilled warm lips against his skin, its power was enough to overtake just about anyone... and he began to weaken, his yelling and struggling slowly fading away. After just a few more moments, Carrot's eyes rolled back and closed, his breathing went from "only between screams" to "hold breath, gasp through nose, hold breath again," his struggles had all but stopped, and he was blushing all the way to his ears.   
  
But it wasn't what Mille Feuille wanted just yet. Oh, no. He had a bigger plan in mind.  
  
That hand suddenly changed its course pattern and began heading a bit too low for Carrot, and his eyes shot open again in utter terror.  
  
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!"  
  
He paused. "Do you promise?"  
  
"Hy phomimhs! Hy phomimhs!"  
  
Mille promptly took both hands away, but didn't move from his desirable position of right on top of Carrot. Instead, he propped himself up with his elbows on each side of him, so he could hold his face just above his. Carrot stared wide-eyed up at him, shocked, dazed, and confused. Mostly dazed, though.  
  
Good, thought Mille Feuille. This will be easier, then.  
  
"Why do you always scream when I pay you a visit?"  
  
"Because you're always tryin' to fuck me!"  
  
"But you're always running around trying to get fucked, aren't you?"  
  
"Well yeah, but by girls!"  
  
"So what's wrong with me?"  
  
"YOU'RE A GUY!!"  
  
"Well, yes. Do you have something against that?"  
  
"YES!!"  
  
"Why?"   
  
"I'm straight!"  
  
"So you have something against gays?"  
  
"Wha..."  
  
Carrot blinked up at Mille's blank, patient face.  
  
"B... but you're bi!"  
  
"It's in the same basic category of 'most the world hates this.'"  
  
"What kind of logic is that?!"  
  
"Good logic. You're against that, too?"  
  
"N... no! And I'm not against gays either! My brother's gay, for chrissake! But I'm NOT, you hear me?"  
  
"But you seemed fine with the idea at first."  
  
"...What?! When?!"  
  
"When I met you."  
  
"...but... but... but I thought you were a girl!" he wailed.  
  
"And you always react well while I'm doing something to you, even if you scream ridiculously loud afterwards..."   
  
"WHAT?! What are you talking about?"  
  
"Well, you gasp and shudder and blush..."  
  
"I DO FUCKING NOT!" he hollered, blushing.  
  
"Anyway..." he whispered, leaning down a bit to breathe against Carrot's neck, making him freeze, hold his breath, and be, in general, very uncomfortable with how comfortable he was. "How do you know you're not gay?"  
  
"U... uh... well, I like girls, and..."  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
"...huh?"  
  
"What have you done to prove you do?"  
  
Carrot stared at him in disbelief. "...Okay Mille Feuille, what are you..."  
  
"What, you mean when you run around begging every remotely pretty woman you see to jump in bed with you?"  
  
"Well... yeah..."  
  
"When you chase women in such a stupid jackass style that no one, not even you, is stupid enough to think they'll EVER get a result out of it, other than the woman screaming and running away?"  
  
"...wh?"  
  
"When you chase after women you know will reject you, while two incredibly beautiful women are both more than ready to accept you into their beds, lives and hearts?"  
  
"..." Carrot was confused now. He... he saw it didn't make much sense, but... okay, he did chase after women like a jackass, but not to prove anything! ...Right? Well, with Mille Feuille on TOP of him, looking at him like that and... doing these things... to him... it was... kind of hard to remember. It was hard... to think at all, really... that second thing he said... why DID he always say no to the girls who liked him? W... was he... was he really...  
  
Wait a minute!  
  
"But Chocolat's a psychopath!"  
  
"Tira's not."  
  
**Damn.**  
  
"B... but she's like a sister! ...N...no, okay, she's not, but she... I mean, I... um... what's that smile on your face?"  
  
"So you don't like the open girls, and you don't like the quiet shy girls. Shucks Carrot, it seems you have absolutely no case."  
  
Carrot frowned. He was never good at thinking, but... he should at LEAST be able to determine whether he was straight or not!  
  
But Mille Feuille was right. Everything he thought of as proof for the defense turned out to be proof for the prosecution.   
  
Mille sighed and did a pushup, and even Carrot recognized this as an invitation to take his arms out from under himself, so he could lie flat on his back. It was also a test, though; Mille had hoped to put enough doubt into him by now to reduce his struggling to almost nothing. He pulled his arms out, all right... but instead of backing away immediately or shoving Mille Feuille away, he just stayed where he was, rubbing one wrist with his hand, staring up at the man propped above him.  
  
**Prosecution rests.**  
  
He smiled as he bent down to kiss him again, but Carrot's hands shot up to press against his chest in objection.  
  
"N... no, I don't want..."  
  
Mille smiled at him, the smile that always made Carrot blush to his ears.   
  
"Carrot, you don't know what you want. And how can you know you don't want something when you've never even experienced it? That's like refusing to eat food you've never tried before."  
  
"But... but this is different than... I mean, this won't... you don't have sex with food!" Carrot managed, and Mille laughed. He knew what he meant... but what he said was pretty funny, nonetheless.  
  
"That's true..."  
  
Mille leaned in again, and Carrot stopped him again. He sighed; so this was what it came to. He'd have to break the barrier... hit at his objections until he finally gave in.  
  
"Carrot..."  
  
"N... no. This is... I don't..."  
  
"Then..."   
  
He came down with sudden force, overcoming Carrot's strength and kissing him before he had time to yell in objection. He gasped and moaned, and Mille Feuille had plenty room to slide his tongue in, since the man's mouth was open in the first place. After a few moments he finally let himself be pushed up, leaving Carrot breathless and stunned; he wouldn't find it in himself to scream after THAT. He smiled as he pushed down again, objections falling on deaf ears, struggles against a stronger body.  
  
"...I'll just have to change your mind."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
**Later**  
  
  
"Oh, my... morning already?"* Mille Feuille asked, looking at the sunlight streaming in through the window.  
  
"Al... already?" Carrot groaned from underneath him. "Y... you call that... already?"  
  
"My, you sound awful."  
  
"Y... your... fault..."  
  
"I suppose. But goodness, I thought you were always brimming with energy when it came to this sort of thing."  
  
"...six... times..."  
  
"Eheh... really? ...Well, I'm sorry, but you can't expect me to be rational when I finally have you in bed, can you?" Mille asked happily.  
  
"...ghggghgghhhh..."  
  
Mille smiled at him, and then settled down underneath the sheets beside his lover. He'd probably have to spoon Carrot's breakfast right into his mouth; he wasn't going to be sitting up any time soon.   
  
After some time passed, Carrot gathered enough energy to speak.  
  
"...hey... Mille?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Where... were you hiding in here, anyway? I locked the door..."  
  
"Oh..." Mille smiled. "Didn't you think that giant tater tot was a bit heavy?"  
  
"Well, when I tried to move it, it... ... ...But how did you get inside it?" Carrot asked, amazed, apparently better at thinking when he was dead tired.  
  
"It's a secret," he replied, and when Carrot rolled his head over to look at him, he just smiled. Although he was sure the story of how Mille Feuille managed to hide inside a giant tater tot plushie to get inside his room at night was immensely interesting, Carrot was too exhausted right now to think about it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then curled up a bit to sleep.   
  
Beside him, though, Mille Feuille moved. He slid towards Carrot and pressed his warm chest against his back as he put his arm around him, hugging him close and smiling as he softly kissed his shoulder. Carrot moaned.  
  
"N... no more... I'm too tired..."  
  
Mille chuckled. "Who said anything about another round?" he asked, and chuckled even more as Carrot strained to look at him quizzically.   
  
"I just want to hold you, my little hunter. Hold you as you fall asleep. Keep you in my arms and know that you're finally in them. Is that all right?"  
  
Carrot couldn't think... he was too amazed.   
  
"Y... yeah, I... I guess so, but..."  
  
"Good," he whispered, and he pulled him in close. Carrot tensed as his back pressed against Mille's warm chest, but it was true; Mille Feuille did no more than hold him. In fact, he fell asleep... even before Carrot did.  
  
**...Amazing,** he thought. **He really did just want to hold me...**  
  
He shifted around so as not to wake the knight, to look at his sleeping form. With his eyes so gently closed, his soft, curled hair falling down like that... even without the makeup and without the clothes, to make himself look like a woman...  
  
**He really is beautiful.**  
  
Thoughts automatically sprang up to defend himself against his own gay thoughts, but he shook his head to clear them. He was too tired to deal with that now. He thought it, and that was that. Mille Feuille was beautiful.  
  
Mille then opened his eyes softly, and he found Carrot looking at him. Carrot immediately blushed and looked away, and Mille Feuille smiled gently at his typical reaction... though he wondered what he had been thinking.   
  
"You're still awake?"  
  
"Ch... not for long," Carrot yawned, plopping down facing away from him again. Mille smiled and cuddled up to him once more, holding him gently. Carrot moved his head away and sighed in response, and he began to drift to sleep in his arms... making Mille happier than even he realized.   
  
It would certainly take longer than this one time to get any "I love you, too" out of him, Mille Feuille thought. It might take a couple of months or so. Hell, he might end up chasing Carrot forever... destined to always be faced with objections before the man finally gave in. After all, how could he control what happened from here? Love would either find Carrot or not. What Mille wanted to do last night was open the doors in Carrot's head... to make men, namely himself, a possibility. He had been lucky with that gamble at least, which was plenty to be thankful for considering everything could have gone to hell at any moment; Carrot could have screamed. But he hadn't, he had been successful... and now, only time would tell. He had no control.  
  
But then, to his surprise, Carrot sighed and leaned back into him, resting his head against his neck and pushing his warm, muscled back against his chest... and he hadn't fallen asleep quite yet.   
  
Mille, after blinking for a moment, was completely delighted, and he sighed with happy pleasure as he closed his own eyes, fatigue suddenly overcoming him.   
  
They were both exhausted, and they had permission to sleep in.  
  
"Happy birthday, Carrot," Mille Feuille murmured, and then they both drifted off to sleep.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*OWARII~*~*~*~  
  
^  
|  
|  
  
LOOKIT THAT!!! LOOKIT THAT!!! I GOT TO WRITE "OWARII"!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!   
  
Ahem. Anyway, this was fun!! It was extremely late (and therefore even MORE rushed), but it was fun fun fun! I like it! I'll probably write a sequel at some point... but I'm just too damned exhausted to do it now, what with school and all, so don't expect it any time soon.   
  
* "Oh, morning already?" - This is not an original line, and not one I was forced to use either. It's from a YuYu Hakusho Kurama/Hiei (in that order, too ^^) Doujinshi called Ike Ike Youko... and in that case, it's Kurama's line. )  
  
* "Onii-san" - means "Big brother."   



End file.
